First
by smolder
Summary: And Kida has lived a long time - much longer than Milo - by now she knows many things about the ways of people, but more importantly perhaps, she knows herself. Knows well that she cannot take being second in some man's favor (even when first is not another living being), and be happy in her life. (eventual Helga/Kida)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Atlantis is owned by Disney.  
A/N: The idea for this story came from a prompt provided by Leona.  
A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

* * *

Kida feels very badly for the thought as soon as it comes into her mind, but it is not the first time such a thing has occurred to her. And as they are seated cross legged across from each other, eating their evening meal, it is very apparent to her, that Milo and she will never be married.

She tilts her head studying him as he goes into detail about the dig site, food forgotten ( _ her forgotten _ ) and arms flailing in his excitement, and as the words he speaks become even more detailed _ (far more than she is able to follow - for Kida might know his language but she has not studied his field of research _ ) she doubts they will even make it very long as a couple at all.

And, honestly Kida thinks if Milo is to be wed to anything in life, it is to be this : to his work, his studies.

Living within Atlantis for the many years they were stuck under the protected dome, refused their former pursuits of war, a significant fraction of the population chose academia as their new path.

Researching what happened that awful day, researching the crystals, researching the machines that no longer worked. Some made new discoveries into such simple things as the air they breathed or other aspects of nature around them.

So, Kida understood this way of life; it simply saddens her that she did not see earlier _ ( before emotions began to be involved on both sides _ _)_ that to Milo she would always come second to these things of which he speaks, to his discoveries.

Because he is attracted to her - yes, she has seen this many of times in the way he looks upon her ( _ in the ways he will stumble upon his words and blush _ ). He might even have a fondness that he has mistaken for love towards her - but she has seen far greater passion from Milo directed at the discovery of some new artifact, than has ever been directed upon her.

And Kida has lived a long time - much longer than Milo - by now she knows many things about the ways of people, but more importantly perhaps, she knows herself. Knows well that she cannot take being _ second _ in some man's favor (even when first is not another living being), and be happy in her life. She also knows from just the short time she has spent with him that Milo is a good man, and that if he knew she did so, just to please him, he would feel immense guilt.

So, less than a week after his people leave, Kida interrupts Milo's excited ramblings about a bit of cookware, from a generation before the time of the Great Flood, a team of academics found, and gently tells him, in a tone kept steady with strong control, that they are _ friends _ but _ not _ beloved.

He freezes, eyes wide as a startled animal behind his round glasses

" _ Kida _ ?" he asks, his confusion clear, and she feels such compassion towards this brave, kind man, reaching forward she brushed a bit of hair off of his forehead and smiled sadly.

"I need to be _ first _ in someone's life, Milo Thatch," she says plainly. "I do not wish to change you, do not wish to take away your wonder and sense of great discovery of each and every aspect of my city. You have been dear to Atlantis, dear to me - and you will always be welcome here. But your mind is busy with this. _ That _ is your first - I could not be content in such a life were I to be second."

"But - but, I could -," he started.

"No," Kida stopped him firmly, "you could not. You could not promise me this - give me hope - to only leave tomorrow and be caught up in the things which you find. You could not do this to me, again and again, and make me bitter. Break apart the friendship that we have."

She stood smoothly from her cross legged position: graceful, strong, proud, and - _ gentle _ , so very gentle in this moment as she gazed down at him. "You could not do this because you are a good man, Milo Thatch. And I will not let you make me hate you," she said quietly.

Then Kida simply left the room and Milo stared at where she had been for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Atlantis is owned by Disney.  
A/N: The idea for this story came from a prompt provided by Leona.  
A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

* * *

The next day she went out with her old team on patrol - it felt necessary to her, for the sake of both of them, that she be out of the city proper for a while so they would not run into each other when emotions were raw. It was slightly unusual for the ruler to be a part of their small armed contingent - but it had been just as unusual for a Princess to do so - and everyone was well aware that the active teams had even more training and experience than her Royal Guard so her safety was assured to the members of government who ran many of the day to day things that Kida knew she must care about at some point but, in truth, had always bored her.

Some people whispered about her as they left at dawn, but Kida tried not to mind such things - such murmurings had always followed in her wake (even when she was young, long before Mother was taken). And most were so well used to the decades of seeing her with her patrol team that the fact that she was a Queen barely meant anything within this context.

It takes the entire day to get where they wish on foot - with the flying machines it would be much swifter but by walking through the inhabited areas they get a feeling for the wellbeing of Her people after the tumult.

And some are quite shaken; they reach out and touch her, assuring themselves that she is real, flesh and blood - not a woman made of crystal or simply gone, taken from them like the last Queen (_ Mother_ ), or dead by more normal means like their King (_Father - and Kida tries not to think of him for that wound is still fresh and raw_ ).

Kida allows these hesitant touches, will smile reassuringly at them. Feeling not like royalty but like a parent, so very protective of her people who look at her with eyes that say they dearly wish to be told their peace will continue once again. And as she does the disconnect that was always firmly in place does not close, instead it widens.

Because they look at her not as they had always gazed at her Father - with firm respect due to their King - but instead it seems she is more than royalty in their eyes. It takes many conversation over heard along their way before Kida realizes that after the incident with the group from topside, she is now seen mystical being to them, they touch the crystals around their necks that bring them such longevity and as they stare at her with wide eyes.

She is a being of the Gods sent back to lead us , a woman whispers to her child as her group passes. And Kida ducks, her head and pretends she did not hear.

Because it hurts - it feels as if they do not accept her simply as Kida, that she was not good enough as she was before to follow in her Father's footsteps. To be a Queen. She must be Goddess to them instead. It is nearly complete opposite, of the many years, she always felt she must fight to be seem as competent, worthy of her place as Father's chosen heir.

Now she must figure out a way to be seen as _human_ again.

It also stings because part of Kida does not know if they are not correct. She does not remember the span of time after she stepped upon the water and the bright blue light filled her vision that day. Only that her mind seemed to be floating in a place of warmth and ease and she somehow knew she was loved unconditionally by her Ancestors, by all her People who had come before. Kida does not think her time as living crystal actually changed her - but she does not know it to be true.

She does know that she does not wish to be a Goddess, does not wish for worship. But it is a hard thing to change anothers' beliefs.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Atlantis is owned by Disney.  
A/N: The idea for this story came from a prompt provided by Leona.  
A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

* * *

It is a tangible relief to her then when they leave the populated area behind, when houses and trader's stalls give way to tall sloping stone and long shadows. (_When there are no longer eyes upon them, upon her._)

Because out here it is simply the four of them as it has been so many times before. Kida carefully empties her small crossbody bag and repacks it so that it will lay flat across her back, along with her spear, as she watches Yirrel (_shorter and slighter than her but extremely dexterous_) leans against Ireos_ (larger even than the physician Sweet, and covered in tattoos_) who allows the other man to do so with a fond smile until Ruim (_sharp featured and deliberate in every word and movement, old - older that all of them, respected deeply as their group's leader and teacher_) gives the hand signal that it is time to go.

She grins down at the monstrous look of the mask side of her shield as she quickly picks it up; the head strap goes into place, a comforting familiar weight, and she supports it with one arm - the other braced upon the stone on which she crouches along with the others. Watching through the eye holes Kida sits, tense and ready until another sharp hand signal from Ruim sends all four of them springing into motion.

In little time they are back in the familiar rhythm: utterly silent _(for sound echoes loudly, and will travel far, in the caves_), jumping from shadow to shadow, alert to any oddities, communicating by body motions alone. Kida revels in this - in her teammates who have known her for decades and show her no preferential treatment _(who do not care if she is Princess, Queen or Goddess as long as she does her job correctly_), in the feeling of wind rushing through her hair, the burn in her muscles as she runs and leaps in the pattern burned into her from so much practice, the way her whole being seems more alive as she keeps all her senses alert.

And she _must_ be alert because this is not a normal patrol - things are much different now. The melted rocks - _lava_, she remembers, that is what the academics called it - changed the planes of many familiar ways while leaving some paths oddly untouched. They are mentally mapping new ways even as they keep track of which ones are still the same.

Even so, that evening when they stop for the day she offers to get the water, still feeling exhilarated and not at all tired. Kida walks a path, that while interrupted in places, is well enough known to her feet, that it easily leads her rather deeply into a cave (a smaller one - although plenty large - within the larger altogether formation), were a river from inland pools fresh water.

Or, at least it_ did_ previously. They are hoping it has not been contaminated but it is not a hardship to have to boil and strain the water. Kida would gladly go through that trouble to be allowed to stay out in the open like this. To use her body every day and live so freely.

She is so lost in her pleased thoughts, that she is most of the way inside before she realizes she is not alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Atlantis is owned by Disney.  
A/N: The idea for this story came from a prompt provided by Leona.  
A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

* * *

Kida freezes, holding even her breath for a moment as she attempts to hear the noise again -_ perhaps she is being silly, easily startled since she is on her own and so distracted_. But still tries to locate where it came from, mentally willing her vision to adjust more swiftly to this darker area, her body tense, feeling any moment that she might be attacked. And it is in scanning the area steadily (_for the cave is large - but not so big that something can truly hide_) that she notices something in the back corner.

But then - then it moves; and it is not a _thing_, but a _person_. A sharp pained breath comes from the being when one leg stretches outwards ( the flash of both golden hair and a pale foot, in the darkness lets her know that they are not Atlantean ). And Kida curls her fingers sharply around the bucket she is carrying feeling nearly naked suddenly without her shield or weapon. But she was only going out for supplies, not on patrol - not a search - she did not expect to run into anyone (_possible friend or foe_).

The body shifts again - the shirt riding up in back to reveal lacerations and bruising to an extent she has never seen before, the colors standing out starkly on their skin. The person on the floor does not cry out (_only breathes raggedly again for a moment_) but Kida nearly does at the sight. For if Atlanteans have developed a weakness, - it is _pain_: both feeling it themselves and seeing others experience it. Having the crystals for so long, which aide them in healing and longevity, pain has become something to avoid. And when a person develops a sickness of disease in which the crystals cannot help, where pain is_ unavoidable_, it is acknowledged as a terrible thing.

She makes herself move then, not to the person on the floor, but to the exit of the cave. Once there Kida breaks the silence they have kept once entering the stone and gives the low trilling call, that she knows will carry, and waits for her team to come.

It is less then a minute before they arrive, but it feels like much longer - her eyes keep pulling back inside where she knows someone is curled up and in _pain_. She hates the thought Hates not doing anything about it right away, but Kida know little beyond the basics when it comes to healing and she can tell, even at a glance, that this person is badly injured. Does not wish to harm them more accidentally - be the one to cause them pain.

Once they have joined her, she hurriedly gestures for them to take off their bulky shields, making the hand motions for injured and point in the direction so they understand. Yurriel and Ireos' eyes widen in surprise, Ruim of course is as calm as always, but she does not blame the other two - none of them expected to find anyone out her after what happened. And it seems to give them the same sense of expediency that is running through her veins; she grabs Yirrel's hand almost before his shield on the ground, pulling him along. Ruim follows and Ireos carefully sets up watch at the entrance.

Kida brings them to were she first saw the person and simply points again. The injured being has curled their body more leaving their shirt bunched up even more and the bruises are showing to an even greater extent _(it makes her worried that they are over their entire body_) as well as a nasty cut on the hip she had not seen previously. Yuirrel - who knows the most about healing amongst them breathes in sharply and pulls away from her as he walks forward.

They shadow him carefully, and as she kneels to assist, Kida must swallow another gasp when she sees the face of the person. Pale and now tight with pain, the woman's features are still striking and it is very obvious, even at first glance that it is the female fighter named, _Helga_.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Atlantis is owned by Disney.  
A/N: The idea for this story came from a prompt provided by Leona.  
A/N 2: Reviews are Good. This has been a subtle hint from the author - Please return to your regularly scheduled reading.

* * *

But Yirrel's hands are steady as he rolls her onto her stomach and begins to gently examine the pale woman before them with never even has a moment of hesitation, doesn't even seem to notice the identity of the woman - even though Kida feels frozen by the knowledge, can barely take her eyes off that face.

And because she is looking so intently, Kida can say for certain that Helga gives nothing away to show that she has reached consciousness again. She does not open her eyes nor even change her breathing in the slightest. They only know something is different when Yirrel starts to undo her pants to attempt to see more of the worst of the bruising around her hip and along her spine - and suddenly, there is a knife in play.

"Now, I can chalk many things up to cultural differences. But a nice girl like myself doesn't usually prefer to be woken up to a group of people removing her clothes. I insist on a proper dinner first," she says blandly and although her voice is rough, with pain and disuse, her blade was a steady warning against the tendons of Yirrel's wrist. She tilts her head slightly and her eyes open slowly, catching Kida's directly as if she knew exactly where she was, their blue sharp and hard, (_cold - ice eyes_) and she only pauses for a moment, before moving onto the others, as she tracked them all carefully.

It was Ruim who understood the implication buried in her comment before they did (Ruim so much older than them all who had fought when they were a race of war) who hissed at them in Atlantean: "Think fools! Think as if this were in the time before - when we were often in contact with non-Atlanteans. This is not someone who knows us, knows our intentions. And yet you are removing this injured woman's garments without her consent. How is she to know you mean to heal?"

Yurriel breathed in sharply in surprise and tried to pull back his hands off her, as if burned - but was only successful with one - Helga continued to keep the other captured, with an odd amount of ease for one lying down and badly injured. She did not appear to know their language but could obviously tell that things were different from her initial interpretation of the situation, from the way she had relaxed slightly. "You're going to get cut if you keep on trying to pull away," she murmured watching his struggles immediately cease, with a slight smirk.

Kida frowned, she knew that while English was a language her team understood, none of the others could speak it fluently (it was the reason why she had interacted with the group from the surface in the first place) but now, it left her with needing to explain the situation. She sighed slightly and those sharp blue eyes immediately swung her way, nearly making her jump before she shook off the feeling. "He is - we are - here to help you, to heal you. You are badly injured Warrior Helga," she tried to stay as formally as possible, keep her voice as steady, as controlled, as the other woman's but wasn't quite able to when her eyes caught on the back (still exposed) that was a myriad of colors:_ black, blue, purple, red and yellow_.

"I've had worse," she drawled; then stretched slightly, pain flashing across her face before it was locked away and she snorted, seeming amused by her entire predicament. "Of course then usually I was on assignments and knew there would be hospitals with good pain killers in my immediate future, not a cave with no first aid, rations or bed roll," she gave a hoarse laugh, before stopping and looking down shaking her head and breathing deeply.

After a moment she looked back up at Kida under eye lashes with dark humor still in her eyes, still twisting those lips into almost a smile, "I admit, this wasn't my best plan. But he's dead, right?" At her confusion, Helga elaborated, "Rourke."

"Yes," she replied, her hands balled into fists at that name - at what he did, what he caused (_for both her people and herself_).

The smile that bloomed across her face was a harsh thing, deeply satisfied without holding any joy. "Then it was worth it," she said.

Kida didn't know how to respond to that. This woman had been the enemy not so very long ago but she did not _feel_ like it now. Did not _act_ like it, for all that she had pulled a knife - it had been in self defense while she (_still was_) in a vulnerable position. And there was no faking that level of emotion she felt towards the one Kida hated too. So, she simply nodded but felt oddly bereft when those ice eyes looked away, back towards the man whose arm she still had a firm grip on.

"So you got something for the pain?" she released him, glancing down at the crystal around his neck, seeming more in curiosity than anything else. Yurriel made hand motions, making it clear that he needed to examine her still and Helga gave a sigh. "Fine, but you're giving me food after this or I'm following through with the knife. I wasn't joking when I said I didn't have rations when I took that _assisted tumble_ \- I've had to make do with my belt."


End file.
